Living Spirit Led

I received a free reading of Francis Chan's Forgotten God (which by the way is still free for the next few days of June). I've listened to it almost 3 times and quite frankly, I find myself moved by it every time... and every time, moved slightly different.

Right now, I'm constantly reviewing myself and wondering "Have I given myself fully to God?" Francis Chan hits a note that is very hard to take. He asks that very question, and then continues on to say that we as Christians have not because of the fear that is associated with it.

Here are my answers to this very question:

Why do I not give myself fully to God?

1. I don't want to live on a foreign field.
2. I am comfortable (too a certain extent) of where I am at
3. I am scared to death of danger (I have been one who has feared getting in trouble, hurt, and other things)
4. I fear persecution (not our "western thinking" of persecution, but real, physical persecution... I am a wimp)
5. I fear death (it's not necessarily a fear of where I'm going to go, but more of the unknown that will occur when I die)
   
6. I won't get to do what I want to do (surrendering of rights)
7. I won't be creating a future for my children.
   

I know some of these may seem shallow, and yet some of them are legitimate fears and desires. However, if I was totally sold out for Jesus... If I totally wanted to live a life that was "Spirit-filled".... If I wanted to glorify God in every aspect of my life... Would I not "push on for the prize?" I sometimes wonder if I'm called to do more than I am already... husband, father, teacher, neighbor, friend, helper, son, nephew, brother. Is there more at work for me? Or am I doing what is desired of me now? I often struggle with this concept because I'm not in a hut or wearing clothes from the 70's or being pursued by someone who wants to kill me.

Honestly, I don't know. But what I do know is that I want to succumb to the will of the Spirit. I desire to be Spirit-led and Spirit-filled, even if that means I have to live in a hut.